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How To Choose Happiness With Words

18/12/2012

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Happiness is simply a state of mind.  No, I’m not implying that we can instantly heal the pain of a severe or unexpected personal tragedy just by thinking about being happy.  Rather, I am referring to our levels of happiness on routine days when things in our lives are close to normal.  In these neutral times, when we are neither ecstatic nor extremely sad, the slightest change in attitude can swing our happiness balance drastically in either a positive or negative direction. One of the primary factors that affect our attitude is our choice of words.

Words have a lot of power and influence on both the speaker and the listener.  When we speak we sometimes unintentionally choose words that have a negative undertone.  This can make us seem unhappy (and negative) in the eyes of others.  Even worse, after we have spoken these words our unconscious mind starts believing in them.  “If this is what came out of my mouth, it must be the way I truly feel.”

However, this is not always true.  The first fleeting words that come to mind are not necessarily the most accurate representation of our feelings and intentions.  We must realize that we have the power to choose the words we use, and if we pick them carefully, they can change the way we feel.

Here are three typical scenarios where positive language can inject positivity and happiness into our lives.

Inject Happiness into Casual Communication Typically, when I ask someone “How are you?” they reply, “I’m fine” or “I’m okay.”  But one lazy Monday afternoon last month a new colleague of mine replied, “Oh, I am fabulous!”  It made me smile, so I asked him what was making him feel so fabulous and he said, “I’m healthy, my family is healthy, and we live in a free country.  So I don’t have any reason not to be happy.”  The difference was simply his attitude and his choice of words.  He wasn’t necessarily any better off than anyone else, but he seemed twenty times happier.

It really struck a chord with me.  Suddenly I realized that I have a choice.  I can either say “the glass is half empty” or “the glass is half full.”  Why not rejoice in the fact that, thankfully, I don’t have anything to be terribly upset about.

So now when someone asks me how I am doing, I say “I’m doing wonderful!” or “Everything is awesome!” or something similar that reflects a positive, happy mood.  Since I’ve made a regular habit of doing this, multiple friends and acquaintances have noticed a positive change in my attitude.  And I do genuinely feel happier.  Also, it seems like the people around me are smiling more now too.  So I guess it’s contagious.

Keep Friendly Discussions Friendly We’ve all been involved in friendly discussions that turn into heated arguments.  This usually results in a complete breakdown of productive communication.  The reason for this is simple.  When people get into heated arguments they get unhappy, and unhappy people are not productive.  More often than not these arguments transpire due to our choice of words rather than our point of views. If communicated peacefully and appropriately people usually tolerate each other’s perspectives pretty well.  Hence, it’s very important to choose our words wisely even when we strongly disagree with someone.

  • Instead of telling the other person “You always…” try saying “Sometimes you…”.
  • Instead of saying “That’s not true,” try saying “I don’t think I completely understand your point of view.”
  • Instead of telling your friend “I don’t want to go to that bar,” you can say “Oh, we can go to that bar too if you want, but I would rather…”
Using words that make the other person feel negated always creates negativity in conversations.  On the other hand, choosing words that assure the listeners that their perspectives are being respected drastically improves the chances of getting your point across without heating things up.

Wendell Johnson once said:

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Maintain a Hopeful Outlook When we are talking or thinking about ourselves we are typically the least careful with our choice of words.  We assume that there are no restrictions on what to say or how to think about our own person.  In some situations this might be true, but the positivity or negativity of our words and thoughts still affect us.

For example, there is a huge difference between saying “I wish I have a house that big someday” versus “It would be great to have a house that big someday.”  The latter gives a greater sense of possibility and confidence which allows us to believe that ‘yes’ it is possible and ‘yes’ it could happen one day.  Whereas, using words like ‘I wish’ makes it seem unreachable and impossible, which generally leads to feelings of discontentment.

Conclusion These are just some simple examples that illustrate how important it is to choose and use positive words.  Remember, our words transparently coincide with our mindset.  Positive language creates a healthy balance between our mind and our heart.

Tehseen Baweja writes about creativity, productivity and personal growth.  If you are looking for some tips, check out his blog at RechargeYourMind.com.

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9 Thing you need to Chill Out About

14/12/2012

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The world isn’t just the way it is.
It’s how you understand it to be.
When it comes to the following, you need to chill out, change your thinking, and adjust your approach.

  1. The few things that aren’t going right. – When things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for all the other things that are still going right.  And if you’re struggling to be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have escaped.  Sometimes the best gifts in life are the troubles you don’t have.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
  2. Trying to label everyone and everything. – Sometimes you’ve just got to take people and situations for what they are, appreciate them, and not try to label them or change them.  This unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up your freewill or waving the white flag – that’s quitting.  Instead, it means you’re willing to let go of who you think people should be and how you think things are supposed to be, so you can fall in love with who they truly are and how life really is.
  3. Worrying about what everyone else thinks. – The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom.  In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.  You have to put your life in your own hands.  Others may be able stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
  4. Wasting time on the wrong people. – You cannot make someone respect you; all you can do is be someone who can be respected.  The rest is up to them.  No matter how much you care some people just won’t care back.  It’s not the end of the world.  At some point you have to realize the truth – that they no longer care or never did, and that maybe you’re wasting your time and missing out on someone else who does.
  5. Old wounds and grudges. – You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart.  In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.  Because nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.  Read Buddha’s Brain.
  6. Superficial judgments. – We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them attractive.  Every human being is beautiful; it just takes the right set of eyes to see it.  The more you mature, the more you will be able to look beyond another person’s appearance and see the beauty of who they really are.
  7. Letting small disagreements snowball out of control. – Don’t let a single poisonous moment of misunderstanding make you forget about the countless lovable moments you spent together.  If you’re angry at someone you love, hug them and mean it.  You may not want to hug them, which is all the more reason to do so.  It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows that they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.
  8. Showing a lack of self-respect. – Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts.  Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.  Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of passion and possibility into a blaze of victories.  Read The Untethered Soul.
  9. Thinking that now is the wrong time. – This isn’t the wrong time and place, because you can make it the right time and place.  Today is the first day of a new beginning – the conception of a new life.  The next nine months are all yours.  You can do with them as you please.  Make them count.  Because a new person is born in nine months.  The only question is: Who do you want that person to be?
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Be Happier: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now

14/12/2012

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Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Today is a blank canvas upon which you have the delightful opportunity to create.  At this moment you are standing at the beginning of an impressive adventure, with the very real and present opportunity to shape the upcoming years into the happiest ones ever.

Start now, take the initiative, and…

  1. Foster your own personal growth. – If you want to awaken happiness in the world around you, start by living a life that makes you happy, and then radiate your happiness outward.  If you want to eliminate suffering in the world, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity outward.  Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation.  It starts with the one in the mirror.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.
  2. Be present in this moment. – Too often we run ourselves into the ground and sacrifice our happiness and health to make a little money.  Then we sacrifice the money we made to recuperate some of our happiness and health.  And as we’re stuck in this damaging cycle, we are so anxious about the past and future that we forget to enjoy life as we’re living it.  The end result being that we don’t ever truly experience being alive.  We subconsciously act as if time isn’t passing us by every second of every day – like it isn’t important and we’re never going to die.  And thus we end up dying someday without ever having truly lived.
  3. Focus on your authenticity and integrity. – Start living life according to who you know you are and what you know is right.  Your greatest accomplishments will be the ones that contain the greatest quantity of YOU.  Be innovative and creative.  The challenges you face will crumble when you apply fresh, original thinking to them.  And as you move forward, do so with genuine and persistent integrity.  That way, the results you create will be results that are actually worth attaining.
  4. Turn your goals into daily habits. – It’s a process!  It’s a process!  It’s a process!  Ingrain this in your mind.  Progress and change takes time.  Success, like washboard abs, is the outcome of a habit.  It’s the relentless daily practice of making small, diligent choices that add up in the long run.  It’s about following through and doing what you said you would do even when no one would notice but you, and knowing in your heart why doing so matters.  Read The Power of Habit.
  5. Be ambitious enough to fail, and be OK with it. – If you never fail, then your goals are not nearly ambitious enough.  Comfort is state of being in which to find rest and renewal for a short time; it is a dreary and dismal place to remain permanently.  If you don’t challenge yourself on a regular basis, your abilities and effectiveness will become stale and weak.  The reason life can be so rewarding is precisely because it can be so difficult.  When your efforts are met with failure, you know you are on to something; because on the flip-side of that failure is a real, substantial accomplishment that doesn’t come easy.  Your failed attempt is simply evidence that you are reaching higher.  And higher is always the best direction to travel in.
  6. Choose to push forward even when it hurts. – You have the potential to reach greatness, but you have to choose it.  To reach greatness, sacrifices must be made.  You have to be willing to dig deeper within yourself, push harder, and climb higher every day.  When obstacles arise, as they will, you must break through them because you know it’s the only option.  Yes, there will be pain, there will be sweat, and there will be suffering.  But where others fall and give up, you must choose to rise again and try again.  Everyone makes a choice, one way or the other.  Have you made yours?
  7. Let go of needless worries and old wounds. – Every moment of your life you are either growing or dying – and when you are physically healthy, it’s a choice, not fate.  The art of living happily rests in the fine balancing act of holding on and letting go.  Being hurt is something you sometimes can’t avoid, but being continuously miserable is always a choice.
  8. Spend time with those who inspire you. – Don’t waste too much of your time with people who are not supportive of your goals and abilities.  Surround yourself with those who believe in your potential.  Anyone who inspires you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion and love, is a precious friend and teacher.  These people are out there.  Find them and conquer the world together.
  9. Help others when you’re able. – Today will never come again.  Be a blessing.  Be a friend.  Make a difference.  Take time to care.  Tell someone how special they are.  Do something that encourages a smile and a brighter day.  By doing so, you will not only help those around you, you will help yourself too.  Because when you seek to inspire happiness in all people, you will not only find it, you will become it.  Read The How of Happiness.
  10. Rest your ego and the meaningless comparisons. – Remember to tame your ego and not to take yourself too seriously.  You’ll climb much higher in life when you’re thoroughly enjoying the effort.  If you think you are better than the rest, you’d better take a rest.  Why be better, worse, or equal to anyone else?  Drop the meaningless comparisons and just do your best, leave the rest alone, and don’t forget to take a rest when you need one.
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    Author

    Mijn naam is Franz van der Wiel. Ik ben geboren in Wellington (NZ). 

    Mijn  motivatie om de naam wayseer( inzicht) te gebruiken komt voort uit de presentaties die ik door het land geef onder de naam “Zien is meer dan alleen kijken”.
    Je zult waarschijnlijk ook gemerkt hebben dat de tijd versneld en dat je maar niet genoeg tijd hebt om dingen af te maken.
    Er is veel meer gaande dan de meeste van ons kunnen bevatten. Daar wil ik graag over vertellen, dat is wat ik met andere mensen wil delen.
    Dit is mijn passie.

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